Only not.

This will be brief and disjointed. I am broken. Devastated.

I realized that I could not be happy with sharing Tim...that I needed to be with him, or over him. That, as I told him, he had to choose.

Deep in the depths of despair, asking God to let him avoid this cup, he chose me...and then, three days later, rescinded his choice.

Now all three of us are hurt -- Ray isn't sure he wants Tim back, Tim know he's hurt both of us, and I am...broken, devastated.

How can this be okay? How can the three of us, trying to do the best we could, have hurt each other and ourselves so very much?