Thursday, December 3, 2009


Somehow I haven't posted since September.

I still have a place to live, by the grace of God (and Tim, to whom I now owe a largish sum of money). Sales are growing and I can see that someday I'll be making more than I spend every month -- and that that's not going to happen for probably six months yet, not on a regular basis.

I'm still poking at the discernment process. Sometimes, I'll admit, with a stick. So's Tim. In interesting ways.

I still have Loiosh the Wonder Cat. Or he has me. Not sure which some days (other days, I admit who runs the place, and it ain't me).

Somehow it's pretty easy to admit that God's in charge of everything when I've already admitted that the cat runs the house. I figure God at least has thumbs. Or divine equivalent.

Tired. Punchy. Occasionally crying for no apparent reason, frequently when I walk into church. The congregation's getting a little worried about me. Want to know what they can do, and it doesn't seem an appropriate time to say 'please buy my stuff' even though about half of what I need to be okay is enough money to live on.

I don't _want_ to be rich. Just a little less poor. (Okay, enough whining.)

It's been insanely cold but I'm keeping the bedroom window cracked (my apartment has ridiculously good insulation so even with that the heat is only occasionally on). Between that and the mullein tincture I take once a week or so I almost never have to use my inhaler any more. Which is good, cos the thing costs about $175 for what they laughingly call a month's worth, and yeah, I can pay that HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Have I mentioned I've been watching the health care debate closely? Doesn't look like it's gonna help me any though.

Still thinking about moving to Canada, where even people who aren't rich can go to the doctor. Oh, but I said enough whining...

Been off of my antidepressants for two weeks now. Yeah, I can tell, but no, I'm not in a slough of despond. I think I'm gonna make it without them this time. I _know_ the depression is situational, not chemical, so I _know_ it can be done, it's just a matter of getting the situation (and my coping mechanisms) set up right.

I don't _like_ having to take medication. I do it anyway, when the alternatives are far worse, but I don't _like_ it.

Decided I'm sick of The Belly and none of my clothes fitting. I can buy new clothes -- which cost money -- or I can lose weight, which is free (and, in fact, requires less money spent on food). I'm going this by cutting my overall food intake some, cutting back my snacking a bunch, walking to the post office when it's above 20F or so, and occasionally skipping meals. The last part isn't deliberate but I get a little busy with work some days. So far, about a pound a week for the last couple weeks, which is exactly where I want to be. Feeling a little better already and the exercise helps my mood a _lot_, but as cold as it's looking to be I won't be walking much for a while (seriously, a high of 21F today).

Yeah, I _could_ walk to the post office, but jeez-o-PETE and also no. Once I have a little money I might join the local rec center, which I think isn't too insanely expensive, and also they have an AWESOME pool. And a climbing wall. And a steam room and a sauna. And all the usual amenities too.

Ahh, well. Someday. In the meantime, I shall do what I can. And really, with all the hauling of heavy crap I do for craft shows, why am I not already buff?

Anyway, not dead, surviving, all will be well.