Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Today's better than yesterday. Okay, that's not saying so much, I guess, but there it is.

Hung on until I could go over to Bri's. Actually got a couple boxes in the car, and then back out on the other side -- so something accomplished anyway. Watched the new Star Trek for the second time in three days, watched Sahara. Had popcorn. Talked to Bri.

The physical weakness is secondary to the depression itself -- apparently my metabolism drops into the toilet -- so I'm okay to push myself physically, some, as long as I don't overdo it. This is useful information, because I really had lost faith in my ability to judge my own limits.

Emotionally, she says that as long as I'm not withdrawing entirely, or spending the whole day in bed repeatedly, I should stay in my comfort zone, and not try to push myself there. I'm okay with this. I'm having a hard enough time getting through without pushing myself to try to deal with things I'm not ready for yet.

I should do a bit of exercise as soon as I get up -- leg lifts is what she suggested and what I did -- to try to bump up my metabolism. And eat as soon as I can after getting up, and not simple-carb-processed-sugar crap like I have been. I find logic in this; fortunately I have some good cereal around, for as long as it lasts.

I don't know if this is taking effect already, or if I was just due for a better day than yesterday. I'll take it though.

Very concerned about where I'm going to live after my initial grace period at Bri and Rich's is up. I'm not sure why -- I have a couple of offers -- but there it is. I suspect part of it, after last week, is the worry that once again someone will change their mind at the last minute and I'll be screwed. I'm going to be working through that one for a while.

I was hoping to go to fighter practice tonight -- seeing people would be good -- but the weather is craptastic so once again I'm heading over to Rich & Bri's for the evening. Might stay over there. Might not. One step at a time.

I did dishes today. Made a quesadilla _and_ ate it. Got an order ready to ship out. Did some job-related online stuff -- posted in my shop blog, commented in a few places, stuff I usually do daily but haven't had the energy or focus to do for weeks. Not calling this a turnaround but it's certainly a step.

Going to put some things in the car and then head out. Overall a pretty fruitful day. May tomorrow hold together as well -- we'll see.


Sophia said...

Oh, hon. Glad today is a little better and that you have good support there. Love winging your westward way and prayers continue.

Rae Trigg said...

I'm glad you're feeling at least a little better today. I hope things continue on an upward trend for you. As always, *hugs*.

terri c said...

Trundled over from the Mad Priest to leave some prayers--sometimes all one can do is keep on keeping on. I do know your church, and Fr. Don, a little, and have trusted Fr. Don with confidential material in past, in case you had thought of reaching out to him for some support.

Kate said...

Thanks for coming over Terri -- been thinking about talking to Father Don, though I don't know how much of the 'real story' he knows and how much I'll have to catch him up. Not sure I have the energy for many explanations right now.

Tim goes to the same church, so right now I kinda don't want to go at all. I'll get over that, I hope -- and there are two services every weekend, so I could avoid him if I wanted (which I do) -- but there are too many memories right now...