Missing Part

No, my Mom doesn't read this journal. But I wrote something for her elsewhere and figured y'all might want to read it, too.

Cast off -- sail away.
Maybe I'll be back someday.
It don't seem likely, but it's anything can be.
Mama, Daddy, don't you cry;
You always knew I'd say goodbye.
I got a beauty of a berth on a ship just made for me.

She's the sweetest little darlin' that you'll ever find,
A wee bit battered but the best of her kind,
And she'll run forever with a good hand on her heart.
I'm a little out of place when I'm on the ground,
And that's the reason that I'm outward bound.
Can't you see that I'm a Firefly's missing part?

Time's up -- have to run.
Can't sit idle when there's work needs done.
You raised me right and I know I'll make you proud.
You both know that I'll be fine;
This world's for you, but the whole sky's mine,
And I'll go just as far as an engineer's allowed,

On the sweetest little darlin'...

What's the point of havin' wings if you never leave the nest and fly?
What's the point in havin' dreams if you never reach out for the sky?
I'll never know my limits if I never even try.
You ain't raised a farmer's wife, you've raised the mechanic of a Firefly!

Big sky -- bigger plans.
I'm doin' what my heart demands.
I'm gonna treat that engine sweet and she'll take me far.
When folks wonder over me,
Just say I found Serenity --
Where the sky's not the limit, I'll be shining like a star.

Well, this Firefly's the place that I'll make my home,
And while she still flies, that means I'll still roam,
There's a lot to do, so I guess it's time to start.
I'm the sort of girl who loves the simple things,
And I can hear the future when my darlin' sings.
Can't you see that I'm a Firefly's missing part?

She's the sweetest little darlin' that you'll ever find,
A wee bit battered but the best of her kind,
And she'll run forever with a good hand on her heart.
I'm a little out of place when I'm on the ground,
And that's the reason that I'm outward bound.
Can't you see that I'm a Firefly's missing part?
Oh, can't you see that I'm a Firefly's missing part?
Missing Part, Seanan McGuire

I listened to this one today, for the first time in a while. It reminded me of how long I've been determined to go my own way, to fend for myself, to (I guess) leave the nest and fly. I sang this to myself the day I packed to leave the ex, I sang it on the long drive from Pennsylvania to Colorado. I ought to have sang it as I set about starting my own business and when I quit my job, but I'd lost it in changing computers.

I don't know what inspired me to dig it back up but I'm glad I did. It says a lot of what I wanted to say to you about why I'm doing this, Mom, but it says it a lot better than I've managed.

What's the point of havin' wings if you never leave the nest and fly?
What's the point in havin' dreams if you never reach out for the sky?
I'll never know my limits if I never even try.
You ain't raised a farmer's wife, you've raised the mechanic of a Firefly!

It's not all gonna make sense to you, I know. It's a song about a TV show. With spaceships and things. (That's the Firefly she's singing about.) That's not the important part, though -- it's the feel of it, the challenge to the rest of the Universe to try, just try, to push me down.

Big sky -- bigger plans.
I'm doin' what my heart demands.
I'm gonna treat that engine sweet and she'll take me far.
When folks wonder over me,
Just say I found Serenity --
Where the sky's not the limit, I'll be shining like a star.

It's the time and effort and care you need to put into a ship so she'll run smooth. It's the love for a ship and for treating her right. It's what keeps me working ten, twelve, fourteen hour days. It's what keeps me going when I have a bad day (or week) and don't bring in a cent.

Time's up -- have to run.
Can't sit idle when there's work needs done.
You raised me right and I know I'll make you proud.
You both know that I'll be fine;
This world's for you, but the whole sky's mine,
And I'll go just as far as an engineer's allowed,

I've got it set on repeat right now. The cats are starting to look at me funny (well, more than usual). I'm singing along with a huge smile on my face and tears trickling down my cheeks. It just says it all for me.

Mama, don't you cry. I've got a beauty of a berth in a life that's just made for me.