Posting mostly just to say I'm here. I'm beyond tired -- haven't got a solid night's sleep for over a week now. Trying to hang onto hope for the job situation. On the up side, there's a festival in Lyons this weekend, which means both extra hours for me, and enough income for the business that I can get paid everything I'm owed. I'll be able to make rent for August.
Somewhat disturbed by the discussion over at the RevGals blog. Did they think I wouldn't say anything publicly about being asked to leave? Did they think people wouldn't want to know what was going on once I had? I appreciate their stated concern for my privacy but frankly it feels like they wanted it swept under the rug.
The 'Kate Kerfluffle' (as someone called it, I can't for the life of me remember who but it amuses me) is still going; just as I thought it'd died down MadPriest weighed in. I'm a little boggled, but, brilliant.
I want it to die down, because I'm exhausted, I'm done with it, it can go away now and I want to return to being nobody with three friends now kplsthx. At the same time, as I said to Tim today, this isn't about me, it's about polyamorous people everywhere, and I feel like I have a responsibility to at least stand up and say something. To which he replied, no. It's about everyone who is different.
He's got a point. I'm doing what I can, replying to comments here, commenting in other people's blogs when they say something. Trying to think of useful things to say. I'm so tired I'm not sure I'm managing it, and I feel like I should be doing yet more; explanatory posts, the story of how Tim and Ray and I got together, the philosophy of polyamory (who am I fooling...philosophies!). I'll do all of that, as soon as I can see straight again.
I haven't heard anything from anyone else who's been asked to leave, to catch up on my last post, which pleases me. Looks like an isolated thing. That's good, at least.
Thinking about going back for my Master's degree. Wondering if that's insane. Also wondering if that's what God wants me to do, or just what I want. Having a hard time settling down to prayer to figure it out. I want to work in my field, though, and I've finally gotten to the point where I actually believe that I can. But for that, I really need the Master's.
It doesn't help that I've missed church two weeks in a row, and will miss it again this weekend. Sunday before last I was sick; last Sunday I was camping all weekend (fun, mind you, but kinda far from church). This weekend I'll be working. Maybe I can get Tim to cover for me for a couple hours. I need the Eucharist, bad.
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speaking the truth, even when my voice trembles
a journal of a bisexual, bigendered, polyamorous, Christian woman trying to figure out
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God has in store for me
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- Kate
- Hoping to hit the road in an RV with my two cats and my business, The Vagabond Tabby. I'm getting really, really tired of waking up in the same place every morning.
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12 comments:
Oh, wow; I didn't know Mad Priest read your blog. I'm impressed and delighted.
I hope things will get better for you soon; I'll be sending good thoughts your way.
I'm glad you're considering a master's degee. Keep on keeping on--look at your world and your loves, and be happy. Peace to you.
Tim is exactly right; this is about everybody who's different.
I too am allowing it to die down, for my part, as I sensed that was your desire. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Blessings, friend.
Mags
I dig that "need the Eucharist, bad" sentiment. Today's Eucharist was fantastic, thanks to Mother Laura, who happened to be passing through the area on a road trip with her lovely husband :-D
I was thinking about the "Kerfluffle" today, and it reminded me, oddly enough, of the "Geek Hierarchy":
http://www.brunching.com/geekhierarchy.html
The point of the Geek Hierarchy is that these various "geeks" (by which is meant in this case, sci-fi / fantasy fans) tend to look up to some people and look down on some people, depending on how "legitimate" each sees itself and the other parties. The funny thing is, _all_ of them are "geeks"; the hierarchy doesn't even exist outside of their community. From the perspective of an outsider, "Trekkies who speak Klingon" aren't much different than "Trekkies who get married in Klingon garb."
The etymology of "geek" is enlightening here: it means a kind of circus clown that was known for provoking laughs by doing non-mainstream, non-normal things (like, supposedly, biting heads off live chickens). The point isn't to compare people to circus clowns, but rather to get at the real heart of the hierarchy: "harmless divergence from mainstream behavior" (well, barring the live chickens). "More geeky" means "less mainstream," or "more likely to weird out the Joneses." There's no moral difference between sci-fi author and furry.
In a way, it's the same thing with mainstream Christian perceptions of sexual minorities. Mother Laura was mentioning how now, for many, faithfully lived polyamory is a huge stumbling block, but homosexual monogamy is accepted almost as a given -- yet a few years ago, the same was true for (e.g.) homosexual monogamy and heterosexual monogamy (or something like divorce and remarriage).
The thing is, _all_ of these practices fall outside what traditional orthodox Christianity generally accepts. They represent concentric circles outside a center, which is perhaps "orthodox Christian practice circa 1400." There's no particular reason to stop at one circle, declaring everything within to be OK and everything without not-OK, because _all_ of the circles are outside. Even the published author of science fiction, in the Geek Hierarchy, is still a "geek." (S)he's just been accepted as somewhat more legitimate.
Once the circles are expanded from "circa 1400," there's no reason to stop them unless they fall outside Christian love -- at least, I haven't seen good reasons to stop them.
Just some thoughts :-)
Still hugging you with my brain and heart.
Still disappointed and uncomfortable.
sooooo, this is the first time i have heard of your blog, getting back from vacation and having conversations with mags and alex...and i am furious. what the fuck? i am so sorry, so, so, so sorry. this should be ONE damn place...i am certainly quite considering leaving revgals...as i am sure some people may consider my blog offensive or dangerous or whatever...Little Mary, just trying to be honest and faithful.
Kate, I have missed church for two weeks, also - five grandchildren one Sunday and a visit to non-church-going family the next - and do I ever miss the Eucharist.
I'll have two grandchildren this weekend, but I'm determined to make church this Sunday.
Maybe you should fast a while from that web site.
Kate,
I found you through your comment at Eileen's place.
I'm in the RGBP ring, and had never had cause to question that until now. I am so sorry this has happened to you.
Blessings, strength, and peace.
Hilbert m'dear, have I ever mentioned you're a genius? I love the 'expanding concentric circles' imagery. And, being a geek myself, I sure know what that's like.
Grandmère, you're likely right about taking a break from 'that website'. It would certainly be the smart thing to do. I only manage the smart thing intermittently, but I'm gonna try to do it now. Will I succeed? Good question. :/
Mags, thanks. I'd rather things died down for certain though it sounds like there's a windmill-tilter on my side now. Well, we'll see. I'm certainly not going to ask people to stop if that's what they feel called to do and if I'm fasting from 'that website'? Well, won't bother me a bit.
But I'm weird about people thinking about leaving the RevGals on my behalf, LittleMary, Kirsten. Though as Mags said I guess it's not on my behalf. Still weird about it; but thanks for the support and good thoughts and prayers.
Mrs. M, your prayers (and hugs!) mean so very much to me -- because I know that you're squitchy (technical term) about the concept of polyamory, but you're thinking about it anyway and supporting me anyway. I know what it's like to do that sort of thing -- back in my 'Christianity eww' days I had some pretty good friends who were Christian, and put a fair amount of effort into understanding them, and into not projecting my 'eww Christianity' onto them. It ain't easy. But look where it got me!
Err. Not that I think you're going to turn polyamorous or anything. I think Mr M would have Issues with that, and so would you.
Jan, I still think I'm nuts, but I'm putting you down for a vote on the 'yes Master's' column. Thanks!
And Rae, I don't know if he read it before and I don't know if he reads it now, but he sure read it at a useful point. 'Impressed and delighted' is my response to his post, too.
Hey, Kate,
Sorry to say I hadn't followed the "Kate Kerfluffle" as it developed, in part because ministry as traditionally defined is just not my thing (as I'm sure you know, being a very careful and kind reader of my own blog).
Having taken a little time to follow links and read up, please allow me to condole! It takes me back to having been unceremoniously booted from the Quaker Web Ring--with no advance notice to me, mind! And these were Quakers, who simply removed me from the ring with no word to me; if I hadn't asked, I'd never have known I'd been dropped, as opposed to developing some technical glitch!
It was traumatic and painful at the time, though now I can laugh with sincerity. My own meeting accepts me fully, and not one single seasoned Friend, online or in person, outside that exclusive group, has ever given me the slightest reason to feel unwelcome as a dual-faith member of the Religious Society of Friends.
Not that it will never happen--it may, just as you will likely experience a certain amount of flack over your relationships. (Isn't it special, to be a pioneer?) But perhaps, like me, you'll have the experience as you go along of finding that those who clearly value your voice so far outweigh those who did not take the time to get to understand you, that what was painful once will become just a rueful smile in memory.
I would certainly never trade a welcome with the folks who could not accept me for the great joy I've had in relationship with other, later, and I do think wiser Quakers who have made room for me since that time.
Blessings.
This is my first visit here. I've been an occasional reader of the revgalblogpals' blog since its inception, and I'm a long-time occasional reader of several revgals' individual blogs.
The group's exclusionary action strikes me as surprisingly misguided, sadly distressing, and atavistically WASPish (at least, I hope that kind of WASPish behavior among female pastors is atavistic), particularly in these chaotic times.
I'm sorry you've been the victim of such well-considered small-mindedness and (apparently) fear, particularly in this context.
Stay the true course, and be well.
Gerontissa Irini, thanks for your kind words!
And Cat, sorry I've been so long in replying, as well. Life's been ... busy. But thank you for telling me about your experiences, and reaffirming my belief that in the long run I'll be able to laugh about this. I'm not the only one it's happened to, after all!
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