Tuesday, July 17, 2007

...

I've been asked to leave the RevGals.

Apparently the word 'polyamory' in my header caused concern among some members; in fact some people are worried that their tenuous connection with me through the ring could get themselves in trouble. I have of course complied; I don't go where I'm not welcome.

I like you guys. I felt at home there. I learned a lot. I didn't want to have to leave. But my other option is to stop being who I am. I love two men. Which of them would you have me leave? Which should I not love?

I don't plan to stop reading the blogs of any RevGals whose blogs are currently on my blogroll; however, if the connection would get any of you in trouble, I will, again, remove you.

I'm crying. I can't cry, I'm at work and my salary depends on me being cheerful so people buy things. It's been so very hard lately and the support I've found from the people I've met through this blog has meant a lot -- it's one of the very few things that keeps me going. I hope that some of you will be willing to stay.

I can only hope that 'open table, all are welcome' still applies at the other places I go. Right now I feel like there's an unspoken 'except for you' at the end of it.

42 comments:

Gabriel said...

So sorry to hear of this. I usually just lurk and read, but I did want to say something this time. Prayers for you.

-Gabriel

Kate said...

Thanks for the prayers and good thoughts, Gabriel -- and welcome!

H.H. Patriarch Anthony I said...

I read your blog daily and have been blessed by your thoughts.

Keep your chin up. This too shall pass and you will be a better person for it. These people do not know what they will be loosing.

God bless you and you will remain in my prayers.

+Anthony I

Kate said...

Thank you for the kind words, +Anthony. And the prayers. They do help.

Off to read your blog -- didn't even know you'd linked me!

Pastor Anonymous said...
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Mother Laura said...

Oh, Kate, I am so very sorry for this terrible news of an "open table" that's not. As far as I know someone who made rude comments about this week's Friday Five--actually disruptive behavior--just got a warning. And you, who have been a contributing and loving member of the community, are kicked out for practicing biblical marriage because of someone's prejudices and fears....

I feel like I should consider quitting in protest, but it is so crucial to my life and ministry that it would be very difficult to do. I hope that doesn't feel too rotten.

I will try to call and see how you are doing and get more details and at least post a protest--which will perhaps end in my being kicked out too. Oh darling I am so very very sorry and so ashamed of them as a Christian clergywoman. And very grateful that you are strong enough that this doesn't drive you away from Jesus cause it's sure not what he would do.

Argh.

HilbertAstronaut said...

*prayers* and *hugs* for you --

Our schola rehearsed the Pauline Mass' Gregorian Propers for 17 OT tonight. The texts were quite fitting, especially the Offertory text. Poke me and I'll explain --

*hugs* again --
mfh

Magdalene6127 said...

Kate, I am so sorry to hear of this. Frankly, I am surprised. I had experienced an openness with RevGals... apparently, they are not as open as I had thought.

Prayers and blessings. You are welcome at my table any time.

Mags

Pastor Anonymous said...
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Plain Foolish said...

Hon, you're always welcome at my table, no matter how many you bring with you.

Cecilia said...

I am not a revgal for some complicated reasons... but I thought they were more inclusive than this indicates. I am very sorry Kate. I always value and treasure your contributions at my blog.

Peace to you, friend. Pax et Lux.

C.

Rae Trigg said...

I'm so sorry, Kate. You deserve better. *Many hugs*

Mrs. M said...

I'm so sorry to read this, it doesn't make any sense to me. Regardless of what I may or may not think about someone's lifestyle/choices/orientations/whatever, I don't want to exclude them from community. I wonder how this decision was made.

David Oliver Kling said...

It is unfortunate that people fear what they do not understand! Sorry about the way you were treated!

+ David

stealth priest said...

Kate --

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. From what I have seen and read , you deserve to be treated far better than you were. Hang in there! Prayers and Hugs for you!

Peace,

SP

Grandmère Mimi said...

Kate, I'm sorry. I will pray for you. God bless you.

Chris T. said...

*hug* So sorry to hear this, Kate. I had no idea the RevGals engaged in practices like this to safeguard their own positions. :-(((

Kate said...

I'm just...wow, overwhelmed at the response I've gotten from you guys. You rock! Thank you all so, so much.

And so many of you I didn't know! My blogroll is growing at a lovely rate. :)

Thank you, thank you for the prayers, the hugs, all the good words; for reiterating my thoughts that Jesus Himself didn't turn people away from His table. For being (even those of you I don't know yet) friends. Today, that's what I needed.

Pastor Anonymous said...
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Rhiannon said...

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm not going to pretend I understand polyamory, but I can't help but think women in ministry should be more focused on supporting and celebrating each other in our differences than walking lockstep in some she-priest mold.

I'll be praying for your solace.

Rhiannon

Leah Sophia said...

Prayers arising from here, as well...

Jan said...

Kate, I followed over from your comments on two of my favorite blogs only to find you hurt and rejected by a group I'd thought about joining. No wonder Cecilia wrote the poem she did! Did lectio in our group today about the Good Samaritan (a week late according to the lectionary)--a good meditation for us all. We are called to draw near, NOT to pass away on the OTHER side! (AND there is NO other side--that is a delusion). Peace to you.

Wulfila said...

Sorry about the delay on this - have been kind of out of it. You're certainly welcome to hang out on my blog, and I think it's terrible that anyone would try to remove you from their webring. *hugHUGhug!*

Kate said...

Wulfila, m'dear, no worries about the delay -- having surgery does rather complicate one's life! (Hope you're feeling better, and can't wait to see the reliquary ;)

Glad to hear from you, and thanks to Jan, Leah Sophia, and Rhiannon, as well. Rhiannon, I hope my next post makes things make a little more sense!

Nina said...

Late but here...

I am so sorry that anyone felt they had to exclude you in order to meet their goals. What are the goals worth if we have to drop people to get there?

The idea of polyamory is scary to me but hey, no one's asking me to try it. The caring, truthfulness, and respect for others you show in your relationships and your seeking is what matters.

Amy said...

You are welcome at MY blog. Sorry to hear that you were kicked off the ring.

Mrs. M said...

The Kitchen Door is always open to you.

RevDari said...

Oh Kate, I had no idea.
I think the "trouble-maker" from last week should be asked to leave, but not you. Geez. Be who you are and "wipe the dust from your shoes" . . . I'm sorry you were treated this way. Seems very un-biblical and ub-christian to me. I make a point to WELCOME ALL to the table and you are welcome in my book (or blog).
I'm sorry the RevGal ring has excluded you. I will express my disappointment and anger to the ring master.
Love and support to you in your hurt.

Gallycat said...

this made me cry. i wish people would learn the difference between love and lust, between sexuality and promiscuity, once and for all. Maybe they'll kick me out once they get wind of my serial monogamy, which isn't what I have chosen, but what I wound up living anyway.

jill said...

Wow. Now I'm not even sure about the trail that led me here to first read...actually, I'm pretty sure I've read your blog before, and it's interesting to me that "polyamorous" didn't raise an eyebrow of mine. I'm sorry for your hurt. I will need to spend some more time reading and processing, but right now, I'm simply hurt for you, and feel in some way culpable, as a member of revgals. Certainly the decision makers do not speak for us all. Peace, Kate.

Pastor Peters said...

Kate, you are in my prayers. I can't imagine how you must feel right now. I'm not sure it's helpful to place blame on RevGals or the church, though I understand the impulse to do so. This all reminds me that we need to challenge each other. We need to love as Christ loved us. And sometimes we are just so, so scared. I'm sorry that this fear has lead to this sad situation.

Kate said...

Amy. Mrs. M, Revdari, thanks for the welcome to your blogs. My blogroll is gonna be getting a _lot_ bigger in the next couple weeks as I sort through all the comments. :)

Gallycat, it does seem that life never quite gives us what we expected, does it? Okay, understated a tad.

Nina, Jill, thanks for letting me give you something to think about, and then thinking about it. I didn't mean to!

And Pastor Peters, thanks for the reminder to love, not blame. I'm trying to do that. Some days, I manage it. Some days, well, it's a good thing God's the forgiving sort.

liane said...

Kate, just found your blog through The Kitchen Door, and though I'm not a member of the RevGals, I lurk in many of the blogs... so sorry to hear about this situation. prayers for you and all those who are opening their arms and hearts to you.

Jenne said...

*hugs*

Tandaina said...

Kate you are always, always most welcome over at my place. I have really enjoyed your comments. I'm sorry the door shut on you. There are a great many things in this world I don't understand. But grace is for all, whether I understand or not. That is what is important.

My table is always open, my bread is always warm and the wine is your choice.

Dean of Wenchoster said...

On our "long and winding road" through life we're given companions who walk with us for varying lengths of time. All are there for some purpose, and some stay with us for a large part of the journey. Others we either leave behind or they leave us as the next bend approaches. Be grateful for their companionship and support for the time alloted, and move on with a lighter step. New friends await around the corner.

Kate said...

Jenne, *many hugs*. I missed your dayboard this weekend! Though I did a miniature Eisental Travelling Dayboard at the Caer Galen event this weekend.

Liane, Tandaina, thank you both.

And thanks for the insight, O Mighty Dean. There are a lot of people among the RevGals I cherish, and I learned a lot in my time as part of the ring.

Linda McMillan said...

There's nothing more disgusting than women behaving like men... Poor RevGals. I imagine they don't even know how stupidly they are behaving.

Linda McMillan
Austin

Caminante said...

I join the chorus of prayers and good wishes. The human heart is a very complicated thing... and sometimes even when love is true, it sometimes crashes into human ethics and morality... yet the heart knows what is true. Sorry for the rejection of one group. May this cybergroup carry you.

Lapinbizarre said...

I followed the link from Mad Priest. I am appalled by the way you have been treated - you have my good wishes and full sympathy.

Serena said...

So sorry. Thought I left a comment here before. Guess it was on Mags page. As Jill said, the decision makers don't speak for all of us. And, you're welcome at may table any time. I'm praying for you too.

Kate said...

Linda, Caminante, Lapin, Serena: Thank you all for your kind thoughts and support!