Monday, April 20, 2009

Help

...I'm still bad at asking for it.

I am about the hell out of money. I'm working my butt off, and I'm just not selling enough of my things to make it.

I...I have hesitated to ask for help, whether prayers or 'buy my stuff' because I greatly fear that people will advise me that starting my own business is foolishness, that I need to give up and look for a job.

This is what I'm supposed to be doing. I can feel it. I love it. I work my butt off, I don't get enough sleep, I have no money and my back hurts, but I love it. I couldn't bear to leave it.

And...the last time I went looking for a job, the best thing -- the _only_ thing -- I could find was working at Walmart. Which was unmitigated horrible, and was killing me. More literally than one might think.

In this job market, why should I hope to find anything better?

And...I don't want a job. I don't want to work for anyone else, ever again. The mere thought makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. I don't know if I could

At least now I know it's not because I'm afraid of work, or don't want to. Manifestly I can work. Manifestly I want to.

Just doing my thing.

Am I spoiled, to want to do that? Am I asking too much?

I don't know.

Pray for me, please.

6 comments:

Mer said...

No, you're not being selfish and you're not asking too much. Don't beat yourself up with the cultural zeitgeist that your work is only valuable as it applies to your job. It's a toughie. I struggle with it too.

At the same time, sometimes you need to finance the work with a job, and sometimes you need to get a little desperate to break through... your better nature so you can aggressively disregard the standards of human decency necessary to really become a top-notch salesperson.

Well, hell, what did you make at walmart, 10 bucks an hour at most, after taxes and assorted other abuses, and you'd work six or seven hours a day probably, right? That's two bars of soap an hour. Instead of working some crap-ass job for that money, what about taking the show on the road and finding a high-traffic spot and giving the hard sell to every person who walks by, and keeping it up until you get in trouble and kicked out? You'll be hopping, sure, but you'd be hopping at a job, too. It's not an easy option, and you'll be competing with girlscouts for walk-by sales, but it's something?

(and there's always the option of blogging for cash and banging out some of those horrible sweatshop essay jobs you find on the freelance job boards. it's not a good job, but it's something. And you'll be at an advantage in that market, being a native english speaker who can actually write words in the right order.)

I'm sorry things are rough right now, hon. I don't have any prayers to offer, but if you think it'll help I can whip up an abstract noise composition with a strong intention.

Love and squishies. Boo also sends some to her Uncle Kate.

Kate said...

Mer, truly, you are teh awesome. :)

I love the idea of finding a spot and pimping soap -- I'm sure I can come up with a good place and maybe even not get kicked out, since I know a bunch of the local shop owners. Or, well, they know my kitten.

$10 at Walmart, yeah, and you're right. The thought of hopping does _not_ bother me I assure you!

Also? an abstract noise composition with a strong intention -- I think those count, actually.

Smishes for da Boo! And for you too.

Mer said...

Ok. One aleatoric dedication, as you wish.

http://www.braindouche.net/media/omshanti-with-cowbell.mp

Danielle said...

An idea akin to street corner soaping: contact local high schools about selling to their students in the weeks leading up to the prom? You might be able to sell some jewelry and lip balms that way. Or try elementary/middle schools - small things for the kids to buy to give their moms for Mother's Day.

Sophia said...

Oh, dear one, you are not selfish and you're certainly not lazy.

I don't have any advice but I do have prayers, and I can solicit them elsewhere as well.

Hang in there and take care of yourself, okay?

(((Kate)))

Mer said...

Oh. Um...

http://www.braindouche.net/media/omshanti-with-cowbell.mp3