Lyons, Colorado is the kind of little town where on any given day there's a fair chance you'll be able to stand in the middle of Main Street for upwards of several minutes without worrying about a car coming past any time soon. Which is exactly what I just got back from doing, because bang over Main Street, perfectly circling the little church a block away, was a rainbow.
Those worries in my last post? Less worrying now. Because if I don't take this hint, then next one will likely involve a brick to the forehead.
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Hey sweetie, at possibly just the moment you were seeing that rainbow I was kneeling in front of Lord Ganesha praying for you. There was a whole slice of shelves of lovely inexpensive sacred art reproductions at Target, and I could do this in the guise of looking more closely at merchandise, since he was on the bottom shelf.
I have to admit I got a little freaked out, and glad that my bishop--dear and open-minded as she is--knows I blog but doesn't read mine, or some of the comments I spread around. :-) (The elephant head is cute and diminishes the maleness somehow, but somehow also makes this feel way beyond darshan with a Goddess statue). But then I thought happily of of how much he's been helping you, and told him thanks, and asked him to keep clearing away your obstacles. And then when I came home and saw your posts and the gorgeous--sad--perplexing--hopeful LJ entry (more bravery points for linking, btw) I hoped that the among the obstacles would be specific ones to having a good worship experience and finding a community to make that possible.
You do know that your desire for God/dess is the strongest sign that she is in fact searching for you, that the feeling of absence is a strong sign of her presence, --in the words of the liturgy somewhere we pray "the desire to praise you is itself your gift"? Well, now you do, or at least you can consider it. I am so thrilled that you have the desire for communion and that will never go unfulfilled, though it may take quite a path to get to it.
Okay, end of homily.
I am getting ready for retreat with the Michaelines, and way wishing you would be there so we could meet ftf, and getting really excited about making my novice promises and putting on that blue robe and three-knotted cincture that my sweet sponsor Sharon H. is crafting as my gift. No idea how it's all going to go but trusting God/dess that it's going to be one wonderful adventure.
Anyway I am kind of in retreat space already, buying my red candle holder and doing inner prep of various sorts (just wish I didn't have to prep and teach tomorrow, but will try to do that contemplatively as well). And I'm thinking that since I have the luxury of traveling to retreat, if you wish I can take you and your intentions with me in spirit and focus on them along with mine as I offer myself in that commitment and receive the in person welcome of all those lovely folks I haven't seen in person. And mention them aloud or in my heart at some of the services and specially mass on Sunday morning and the labyrinth ritual Saturday night.
Come to think of it, we are focusing in that on renewing our baptism and confirmation as a means of seeking personal transformation as well as strength to do the good work in the world we are called to. I think it's about 9 Eastern, and I can give you a more detailed description and relevant texts to consider if you want. You might want to consider joining us in spirit for that if it feels right, as a way of authenticating (if and insofar as it feels right at this time) those spiritual commitments which you made without honesty (not through your own fault, IMHO, since you were not really given a free choice). Because the completion of baptism and confirmation is the eucharist....
Just a thought to consider. No pressure, of course. If you want to let me know if and how you'd like to connect in this experience, I will be here and connected to the computer till Thursday morning (going out early for a preretreat visit/sacrament fest with Tim C. and a mini- pilgrimage to some personal holy places on the Main Line).
Oh, and I'm so glad you like W's blog too--what you commented there was very beautiful and powerful. I love the overlapping ripples of reconciliation and transformation and conversion and delight that we share with each other on the Quest....Cause that's the body of Christ too, the community.
Hee! Worship at Target. I love it. And I love and appreciate that you're willing to go beyond your comfort zone this way for me -- sister!
I've had that desire for God/dess for pretty much my whole life; it just got subsumed for a long time, it never went away. I don't know why it's taken me this long but I'm trusting that there's a reason.
I'm totally replying too late to get hold of you before you leave for Retreat but I get out of work at seven Mountain time, and there's a little church just down the street, and I'll be in there, joining you guys in spirit. I got a copy of the Saturday night thing on the list last night and I'm gonna print it off and bring it along. I'm really feeling excited about things. :)
Yayy! Will be praying for you very special, oh chivalrous one.
And thanks for the cool gardening post too.
(Blogging from Tim's place, a little sleepy after a night of phenomenal conversation and not so much sleep Matt told me how to access my email remotely but so far I haven't figured out how to access my email yet. Thought I was going to go comment-ignorant-crazy till I realized I could access them through Blogger).
Hope it's okay I bragged on you again in yesterday's post--and have a v. good Friday. Be fun if you ever felt like joining the RevGals for Friday Five.
At your provocation, I'm gonna do the Friday Five at very least. This week's looks like a good one to start with.
Slowly getting used to being bragged on. Blushing a lot! I'll live. ;)
Glad you're having a good time! Up-too-late conversations are some of the best.
You know you're a complete RevGal, now, right? ("Women pursuing *or discerning* a religious vocation, and their friends.")
If you want to join the ring, we would be honored to have you. It's quick and easy to click from the homepage, and gets you more readership as well as connected to a large and wonderful community which I have found a real blessing. (And it's free, which I didn't understand up front--joining the corporation is 25.00, but that's a separate and additional commitment I haven't gotten around to thus far).
There is also a private blog called RevGalPrayerPals, with a contemplative quote or picture posted each day (I'm Monday) and confidential prayer requests and conversation in the comments. If you'd like to get into that instead, or too, I can give you Songbird's email so she can send you the invite.
Hoping to blog about retreat this morning, but first I should probably finish fixing up their midterm since I'm giving it at 2:30.
I err already joined - Saturday, I think. Yeah, before all of this happened. Just been kinda brain-full to do last Friday's Friday Five.
I think I'll still start with that one, though, late as I am. Unexpected joy seemd to be a good place to be, right now.
Woohoo!!! Oh, I'm so glad, cutie.
I had no idea, and feel rather silly preaching to the converted. Oh, I get it, it's because this week instead of Monday Meet the New RevGals it was Book Discussion, and you're way down the list alphabetically.
Now I am really bummed that I didn't get around to nominating your Tuesday post for the Wednesday Festival. Is it too much to hope that you did? (You do know that's what a good RevGal does when she writes something brilliant, yes? I missed sending in mine about Profession so will put it in the comments-- if the post ever shows up.)
Prepare to be loved up by a bunch of cool new sisters, O RevGal Who Was A Boy....
Unexpected joy. Yeah, it's good.
Er. Wednesday Festival? No, I didn't nominte anything for anything -- don't tend to nominate my own stuff. Your Profession post was a good one, though, and should definitely be mentioned.
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