Monday, June 30, 2008

Missing Part

No, my Mom doesn't read this journal. But I wrote something for her elsewhere and figured y'all might want to read it, too.

Cast off -- sail away.
Maybe I'll be back someday.
It don't seem likely, but it's anything can be.
Mama, Daddy, don't you cry;
You always knew I'd say goodbye.
I got a beauty of a berth on a ship just made for me.

She's the sweetest little darlin' that you'll ever find,
A wee bit battered but the best of her kind,
And she'll run forever with a good hand on her heart.
I'm a little out of place when I'm on the ground,
And that's the reason that I'm outward bound.
Can't you see that I'm a Firefly's missing part?

Time's up -- have to run.
Can't sit idle when there's work needs done.
You raised me right and I know I'll make you proud.
You both know that I'll be fine;
This world's for you, but the whole sky's mine,
And I'll go just as far as an engineer's allowed,

On the sweetest little darlin'...

What's the point of havin' wings if you never leave the nest and fly?
What's the point in havin' dreams if you never reach out for the sky?
I'll never know my limits if I never even try.
You ain't raised a farmer's wife, you've raised the mechanic of a Firefly!

Big sky -- bigger plans.
I'm doin' what my heart demands.
I'm gonna treat that engine sweet and she'll take me far.
When folks wonder over me,
Just say I found Serenity --
Where the sky's not the limit, I'll be shining like a star.

Well, this Firefly's the place that I'll make my home,
And while she still flies, that means I'll still roam,
There's a lot to do, so I guess it's time to start.
I'm the sort of girl who loves the simple things,
And I can hear the future when my darlin' sings.
Can't you see that I'm a Firefly's missing part?

She's the sweetest little darlin' that you'll ever find,
A wee bit battered but the best of her kind,
And she'll run forever with a good hand on her heart.
I'm a little out of place when I'm on the ground,
And that's the reason that I'm outward bound.
Can't you see that I'm a Firefly's missing part?
Oh, can't you see that I'm a Firefly's missing part?

Missing Part, Seanan McGuire


I listened to this one today, for the first time in a while. It reminded me of how long I've been determined to go my own way, to fend for myself, to (I guess) leave the nest and fly. I sang this to myself the day I packed to leave the ex, I sang it on the long drive from Pennsylvania to Colorado. I ought to have sang it as I set about starting my own business and when I quit my job, but I'd lost it in changing computers.

I don't know what inspired me to dig it back up but I'm glad I did. It says a lot of what I wanted to say to you about why I'm doing this, Mom, but it says it a lot better than I've managed.

What's the point of havin' wings if you never leave the nest and fly?
What's the point in havin' dreams if you never reach out for the sky?
I'll never know my limits if I never even try.
You ain't raised a farmer's wife, you've raised the mechanic of a Firefly!

It's not all gonna make sense to you, I know. It's a song about a TV show. With spaceships and things. (That's the Firefly she's singing about.) That's not the important part, though -- it's the feel of it, the challenge to the rest of the Universe to try, just try, to push me down.
Big sky -- bigger plans.
I'm doin' what my heart demands.
I'm gonna treat that engine sweet and she'll take me far.
When folks wonder over me,
Just say I found Serenity --
Where the sky's not the limit, I'll be shining like a star.

It's the time and effort and care you need to put into a ship so she'll run smooth. It's the love for a ship and for treating her right. It's what keeps me working ten, twelve, fourteen hour days. It's what keeps me going when I have a bad day (or week) and don't bring in a cent.
Time's up -- have to run.
Can't sit idle when there's work needs done.
You raised me right and I know I'll make you proud.
You both know that I'll be fine;
This world's for you, but the whole sky's mine,
And I'll go just as far as an engineer's allowed,

I've got it set on repeat right now. The cats are starting to look at me funny (well, more than usual). I'm singing along with a huge smile on my face and tears trickling down my cheeks. It just says it all for me.

Mama, don't you cry. I've got a beauty of a berth in a life that's just made for me.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Why I Got Nothing Done Today



Mew?



Prrrrrrrr sandwich?



*thud*

--

I actually did get a fair amount done today (amidst the brainmelty) and will be introducing a new line of skin care salves soon. Just need to get labels designed, formulas worked up and tested, and somehow find a source for jewelweed other than 'call Mom and ask her to pick some'...

Saturday, June 14, 2008

*whew*

I'm okay.

Cats are okay.

Rats are okay.

Apartment is okay (I'm typing from my computer).

But there was a fire in the building and I'm pretty freaked out.

The people catty-corner to me (where the fire started, and the worst of the damage) have lost a lot. Please pray for them. I've already offered to help as I can.

Tim and Ray are taking me somewhere for food. More updates later. But I had to tell y'all I'm okay.

Friday, June 13, 2008

As requested...rats!

A loyal reader of mine (and you know who you are!) has requested rats pictures.

So here they are!



Atreyu's the darker one (brave boy), and Bastian's hiding under him. Bastian's pretty shy but he's at least got to the point where he knows I'm safe.



Atreyu going "lemme out! lemme out!" Both he and Basitan have escaped the cage a couple of times, but they never go far.



And Remy. Digging.

We were evil to Remy...actually I guess it was more evil to Thomas, since Remy didn't care:



Rat? What rat?



Thomas is truly exceptional at ignoring things he doesn't want to deal with.

Before freakage occurs, Thomas is old, slow, and had basically no prey drive, and I was right there ready to grab anyway.



My little boys!

And that's all for now!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I has a kitteh.



He is adorable.



He likes sleeping.



Out-of-focus but adorable.



I KILLZ YOUR FINGERS!



RAAR KILLZ!



*pounce*



...hey, can't a guy have a little privacy here?

Also, a completely gratuitous picture of Sarah:



My ear, let me show you it.

And an unnecessary closeup.



Jealous kitty is jealous.

Kitteh!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Ever-growing foolishness...

I has a kitteh.

I didn't mean to. But he was so cute! And he wouldn't let go of my shirt anyway, so I'm stuck with him.

Pictures are not yet, but I can give you the short-short version of everyone's reactions:

Chocolate: *hiss* *growl* *hiss* *growl*
Kitten: *ignores*
Chocolate: *stomps off grumbling*

Samson: KILLZ!
Kitten: *falls over on back* *hiss-spits* *waves paws around ineffectually*
Samson: *triumph*

Taltos: TEHRE IS NO KITTEH ONLEE ZOOL
Kitten: *ducks under Taltos's head to get to tuna juice*
Taltos: *shares bowl while successfully ignoring kitten's existence*

Rats: *curled up in ball in corner of cage*

I also introduces the rats to the kitten. Results: Bastian (shy-boy) sitting on my shoulder. Atreyu sitting on the soap (don't worry, it has a towel over it). Remy and the kitten trying to play, with entirely different social cues.

I wandered off, feeling sure that all was well, and rushed back at the sound of hissing and yowling. Rats and kittens both wrestle, and they'd discovered this fact. Remy, being older and cannier (though slightly lighter), had won. And, in proper rat fashion, was washing the loser.

Who, in proper rat fashion, was objecting.

It was HYSTERICAL.

No name for the little guy yet. He'll tell me, I'm sure. Or I'll call him Peeper for the noises he makes. *calls over shoulder* And we wouldn't want that, would we?

...we shall see.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Something A Little Lighter

Tagged by dear Cecilia of Closeted Pastor. If indirectly.

What were you doing five years ago?

1) ...you know, I haven't the faintest idea.
2) I hadn't started my Livejournal yet, so I can't check there.
3) It was, what, 2003?
4) I was in the SCA...
5) ...uhm.

Yeah, okay. Let's answer this for real.

1) Lots and lots of heraldry.
2) Getting to know my Tim better, and slowly falling in love with him.
3) Getting used to being on antidepressants, and starting the mind-work they gave me space for.
4) Learning to cook.
5) All in all, taking my first steps in becoming Brave.

What are five things on your to-do list for today (not in any particular order)?

1) Take a huge stack of packages to the post office...on foot.
2) Write up June's Om Shanti Handcrafts newsletter.
3) Spend some time with my new rats and my current rat.
4) Make soap.
5) Make jewelry.

What are five snacks you enjoy?

1) Popcorn.
2) Peanuts.
3) Necco Wafers.
4) Candy Hearts.
5) Edamame.

What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?

1) Send every kid I know to college or appropriate alternative.
2) Fund an Abused Walmart Employee Defense Fund.
3) Start something to support small local businesses -- not sure enough of how to do this to put in more detail.
4) Do that farm/retreat center Tim and I have talked about.
5) Travel a lot.

What are five of your bad habits?

1) Eating in response to stress. (Yes, I have stolen this verbatim from Cecilia...)
2) Not walking places I totally could.
3) Not trusting myself.
4) Not trusting others.
5) Procrastination.

What are five places where you have lived?

1) Worcester, PA
2) Bethlehem, PA
3) Allentown, PA
4) In fear
5) Longmont, CO

What are five jobs you've had?

1) Pricing socks.
2) Making trophies.
3) Running cameras.
4) Selling cell phones.
5) Doing what I love.

Not tagging anyone specific-like, cos I haven't been paying enough attention to know who hasn't already done it.

But in the process of filling this out I've settled into reading old journals, and among all the minutiae a single theme has emerged...

I am so much happier than I was then. So, so much happier.

It's amazing.

Thank You, Lord, for helping me find the strength to make the changes I needed to in my life.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Fool part, what, three now...?

Yup. More rats.

Two brothers, four months old, free to good home on Craigslist. Remy needed a friend; now he'll have two. Atreyu is the brave one, grey with a white blaze, and Bastian is the shy one, white with an orange hood and a tiny orange spot on his back.

With luck introductions will go better this time.

Pictures to follow.